Random thoughts

 The challenge today is to figure out how to write when I don’t want to write.  Any other time, I would write today off (nach), but I am really trying to commit to this discipline.  Sometimes I try to imagine the unimaginable.  Everyone disbelieved disaster until they realized this time was different.  That moment must be awful, when you catch yourself celebrating a near miss and suddenly realize you didn’t make it, no one will ever hear the story.

Anguish is overwhelming, by its very nature it drowns all competitors, it washes away every other feeling and firm notion.  After anguish, everything seems possible.  It may be we would yearn for a season of anguish and the spring that would follow.  So the price we must pay for anguish is more than we can hope to collect, a moment of total loss.  Anguish only follows when we willingly release our grip on something we once treasured above all else.  

The most damaging and hard to refute attribute of the left is a hostility to beauty.  The left is for more inclusion, more accommodation to a wider variety of people access to a life worth living.  But the more inclusive, the discordant, the more variable in chaotic malstroms.  The most beautiful, the left would argue, is one that is inclusive of the flawed.  That those allowances made, those inefficient aesthetics do not reduce the beauty but increase our understanding of beauty itself.

I am so tempted to delete the previous paragraph, because it failed to say what I wanted to say.  What I said came off as othering, as propagating the very language I use to covey the beauty I imagine can’t help but further the very exclusion from beauty that I seek to deconstruct.  

I’m never going to win in a negotiation with myself.

Now what does it say about me that I wouldn’t say you always win when negotiation  with yourself?  That a negotiation requires giving up something and that means, in this situation, you end up without something you wanted and with something you didn’t want.  Even in winning, you are in a worse position than before.  Now you have exerted the effort to work against yourself in the construction of a binary that may not be relevant.  The only way to win is not to play.

I don’t think the left should reject the construction of bio-leninishm.  We should lean into it.  If the right are better at meme formation, which they are, but at the expense of a nimble approach, then we should surrender this battle to set up for better performance next time.  Embrace the ugly and reject the whole concept of beauty and make the ones who want to exclude people explain their actions.